Not Dead Yet

In May of last year, I wrote an obituary for the McCain campaign. I did not expect him to win the GOP nomination...but he did. Lately a lot of people are writing obits again. An Irish bookie is even paying off bets on Obama--three weeks before the election! But if you look at the polls (not what the media types say about the polls, but the actual numbers), this election still isn't over. So with an assist from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, here's a look at how the Media and the Obama Campaign (but I repeat myself) are trying to make sure McCain doesn't win:


The Media: Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart]
The Obama Campaign: Here's one.
The Media: That'll be ninepence.
The McCain Campaign: I'm not dead.
The Media: What?
The Obama Campaign: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The McCain Campaign: I'm not dead.
The Media: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
The Obama Campaign: Yes he is.
The McCain Campaign: I'm not.
The Media: He isn't.
The Obama Campaign: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The McCain Campaign: I'm getting better.
The Obama Campaign: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Media: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The McCain Campaign: I don't want to go on the cart.
The Obama Campaign: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Media: I can't take him.
The McCain Campaign: I feel fine.
The Obama Campaign: Oh, do me a favor.
The Media: I can't.
The Obama Campaign: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Media: I promised I'd be at Wall Street. They've lost nine per cent today.
The Obama Campaign: Well, when's your next round?
The Media: November 5.
The McCain Campaign: I think I'll go campaign for votes.
The Obama Campaign: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
The McCain Campaign: I feel happy. I feel electable.
[The Media glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the McCain Campaign with his a whack of his club]
The Obama Campaign: Ah, thank you very much.
The Media: Not at all. See you on Election Day.
The Obama Campaign: Right.