McCain for President, RIP

The McCain for President campaign died this week after a long illness. Varying accounts of the campaign's age, based on numerous "launch" dates have been offered, but with some eight months remaining until the first votes are cast, it certainly died young. Initial symptoms had included fundraising failure and extreme irritability, but the cause of death was listed as extreme allergic reaction to conservative voters and ideas, complicated by pride and an uncontrolled temper.

Staffers expressed surprise at the death, noting that, despite the campaign's lingering difficulties, they believed until the end that a recovery was in sight. "We'd stabbed conservatives in the back so many times before and gotten away with it," one anonymous staffer said. "I didn't think they'd really turn on us for good. We told them to shut up and take their medicine...maybe we should have taken ours instead."

Funeral arrangments may take several months to complete. In lieu of flowers, votes should be sent to Fred Thompson.